So today I have been cleaning up and throwing out old stuff. I have TONS of notebooks lying around and some of them go back to highschool which was 9 years ago! OH MY GOD I'm old. It's time for my 10 year highschool reunion! YIKES. Well anyway...before tossing them out I removed some pages with interesting snippets. The only thing is I don't know when I wrote them. Some of them surprised me because I didn't remember thinking those things or I didn't think I'd been thinking those things for SO long. Well here they are in no particular order. I'll make guesses to their age but I'm not 100% sure.
"I finally understand what it feels like to be overwhelmed by the world. To know that nothing you do will ever make a difference. There will always be that kid that amounts to nothing no matter what you do. I always thought I'd know the right thing to say when a student says "I hate reading" or "I never read" or "I hate school" but I don't. I can't inspire myself how am I supposed to inspire others."
If I had to guess I'd say I wrote that during my fourth year of Concurrent Education cause that was when I was teaching for the first time and I do remember feeling completely disgusted with the education system then. Maybe in that regard things haven't changed too much.
written on a small scrap of paper:
"In Thunder Bay getting married is a condition like growing up or catching a cold."
Have no idea when this was written. The scrap of paper it's on suggests I wrote it while at work at Chapters cause it looks like one of our recycled paper sheets from inventory.
Another of what looks like chapters scrap paper sheet:
Contradiction
When you split up from someone you still feel the need to have them around. For a long time they were the ones you turned to when you were in pain. It is your first instinct to turn to them now for comfort. But then you realize they are the reason you are in pain."
Big notebook paper:
"Love is for the lucky and the strong." ~ the Rose
For the lucky but the strong are the ones who can go on alone. Those who don't fold under the weight of being lonely and marry someone just to prevent perpetual lonliness.
It's a fad here. It's like walking up stairs it's just another step. They get married because all of those around them are. Who is more mature than? The younger ones getting married because they are doing something very 'adult-like' or us for being older and trying to fulfill ourselves before getting to a place where we have to fulfill someone else as well? What is maturity anyhow?
Yeah that one is quite funny. I never would have gotten married before the age of 25 no matter what.
Love is a myth. It exists only to others. Like bad things that you think will never happen to you. When it does occur it's short-lived and leaves behind a dull ache that remains always to remind you of what you can't have. Memories of it start to fade so much you believe they were a dream. Deep down you know you deserve it. But you know in your heart that if you did deserve it it would come. But for those that make the mistake of taking what was not meant for them to have will be punished. They will lose what they tried to steal. Instead of waiting patiently for their turn they stepped out of turn and tried to steal what belonged to someone else. They cannot be happy, as they forfeited their happiness when they broke the golden rule.
Yeah this one is an old one. But I still believe it. I think that somewhere along the way I did something to deserve the solitude I'm now enduring. I can't see any other reason why I should lose love everytime I find it somewhere. It's the only explanation I can think of. I'm just cursed.
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